DEVELOPING HEALING QUOTIENT

By Dr Oke

We’ve spent years developing our Intelligence Quotient (IQ) to solve problems, our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) to manage emotions, our Social Intelligence (SQ) to navigate relationships, our Adversity Quotient (AQ) to bounce back from hardships, and even our understanding of Artificial Intelligence (AI) to keep up with a rapidly changing world.

But there’s another essential “intelligence” we often overlook Healing Quotient (HQ):

No matter our intelligence, emotional awareness, social connections, or resilience, unhealed wounds will ultimately return us to our previous patterns.

Healing Quotient (HQ) is about the capacity to:

• Acknowledge pain without shame

• Sit with discomfort without running

• Reparent the wounded parts of ourselves

• Break generational patterns with courage and compassion

• Choose wholeness, even when chaos is familiar

So yes, master your IQ, EQ, SQ, AQ, and AI...

But don’t forget to cultivate your HQ.

That’s where true transformation begins.

HOW DO I ACHIEVE THIS?

Great question.

The “how” behind developing your Healing Quotient (HQ) is where the real transformation lies. Think of HQ as a practice, not a fixed score, built through intentional healing work over time.

Here’s a foundational approach to building your HQ:

 1. Awareness: Name the Wound

You can’t heal what you won’t name.

• Reflect on patterns: Where do you feel stuck? Repeating cycles?

• Explore your story: What early experiences shaped your beliefs about love, safety, worth, or identity?

• Ask: “Whose voice is this really?” (Yours or an old wound?)

HQ Practice: Journaling. Start with the prompt: “What have I been carrying that doesn’t belong to me?” 

 2. Understanding: Connect the Dots

Healing happens when insight meets compassion.

• Understand trauma’s imprint on your nervous system and behaviour.

• Learn about survival adaptations like people-pleasing, shutting down, or hyper-independence.

• Get curious, not judgemental.

HQ Practice: Self-education through books, therapy, or trauma-informed courses.

3. Compassion: Reparent the Inner Child

Many adult struggles are the result of unmet childhood needs.

• Practice self-talk that’s kind, not critical.

• Identify what your younger self needed to hear, feel, or receive.

• Start offering that to yourself now.

HQ Practice: Inner child meditations or mirror work: “I see you. I love you. I’ve got you now.”

4. Responsibility: Break the Cycle

Healing isn’t about blaming; it’s about choosing differently.

• Own your story without being owned by it.

• Set boundaries that honour your growth.

• Make peace with your past while building a new future.

HQ Practice: Say this: “I am not responsible for what hurt me, but I am responsible for my healing.”

5. Integration: Practice in Real Time

Healing isn’t what happens in theory; it’s how you show up differently in real life.

• When triggered, pause. Breathe. Respond instead of reacting.

• When old patterns call, choose a new path.

• Celebrate small wins; they’re proof you’re healing.

HQ Practice: Create a “healing mantra” for moments of stress. Example: “This moment is not the past. I can choose peace now.”