Day 14: Hyper-Independence Is a Trauma Response Disguised as Strength

Independence, in its healthy form, is empowering. It reflects self-trust, resilience, and a strong sense of personal agency. This is beautiful to behold.

But hyper-independence, the belief that you must always handle life alone, is often not strength at all. It is a trauma response dressed in confidence. Humans naturally rely on others and the strength of community.

Hyper-independence is what happens when asking for help felt unsafe…

When vulnerability was punished instead of protected…

When the people you needed the most couldn’t or wouldn’t show up for you and you shrink in.....

You learnt to survive by becoming self-sufficient. Fiercely so. You stopped depending on others, not because you didn’t need support, but because needing someone started to feel like a setup for disappointment or abandonment.

But here’s the truth:

What kept you safe then may now be keeping you isolated.

Healing is an invitation to peel back your armour. Recognising your need for others is not a sign of weakness, but rather a human need that God has designed into your very being for a purpose. God didn't intend for you to bear every burden by yourself.

There is strength in allowing others into your world, even if just a little at a time. The focus should be on identifying safe connections and the right timing on your life journey.

A safe connection is where nervous systems calm, burdens lighten, and the inner self learns she is no longer alone. This is truly a remarkable place.

You don't need to let down your defences instantly. But you can begin to believe that you are worthy of support. Your needs are not a burden. And it is safe to receive.

Some individuals struggle with receiving from others; this could be associated with pride or a state of not feeling worthy enough. This definitely holds one back from enjoying the overflow life God has assigned.

Action Step

Today, stretch broadly into your healing by asking for help even in a small way.

• Ask someone to check in on you.

• Accept an offer of help without deflecting.

• Share a need or emotion with a trusted person. Very important!

Let this moment be a soft practice in receiving. Let support find its way to you, one yes at a time.

📖 Scripture

“Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 (NIV)

Scripture affirms that we thrive through connection. God never designed us to do life alone. Community is not just a luxury; it’s a lifeline. Take advantage of it.

📝 Journaling Prompt

• What specific experiences made me feel like I had to face life alone?

• How have I used independence to protect myself from pain or disappointment?

• What small step can I take this week to practise trusting someone safe?